It is now Springtime here in Oxford, which means that the flowers are beginning to bloom, the trees are beginning to leaf, and the grass is now even more green. The rains have come, but finally the sun revealed itself today, bringing hope for a warmer, brighter week ahead. With the British environment encouraging me, I have too decided to enter into my own form of Spring. I believe it is high time that I begin working on the most important relationship in my life, the one with myself, because this one is for the long haul.
It is true, I have hit some speed bumps on the way, made some less than perfect decisions that I now regret. But what is life without these regrets? The only thing you can do is atone, learn from the past and move on. For as George Bernard Shaw says, "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." So here I am. I've learned and grown from my past and I now know a better way of where to lead myself next.
As part of this 'getting to know myself/better myself' program, I have begun exercising. I am training myself over these 9 weeks of term to be able to run a 5K. I am now beginning my third week and I'm not trying to gloss the next few weeks over. It is going to be hard and I'm not going to enjoy the pain in the sides and feeling like my lungs are on fire, but I'll manage through. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I feel like I am toughening myself up for the callousness and brutality of the real world. If I make myself strong maybe, just maybe, I will find life's pitfalls less difficult to cope with.
Also, I have been giving up drinking more than a pint or so in a night. (I am legal now, people.) I think that by doing this will also help me grow stronger as an individual and put me at the wheel of my own life, instead of letting other people dictate my reality. I mean, I have to be the leading lady in my own life!
I am also trying to become more comfortable with being alone, without a guy or a friend that I depend solely on. I don't always need to be around people, although I shouldn't revert into being a hermit either. I like talking too much to do that. It's just that when I am at home by myself, I don't need to be constantly in contact with someone, via Skype, Facebook or text. That is not necessary for my own well-being and it is time to move on from my crutches.
So, here I am. Working on myself to be a better person. A strong, confident, self-assured woman who takes control of her own life and lives life to its fullest. And I believe that the best way to live a happy, fulfilling life is to start at the very beginning - the baseboards - yourself. So I am preparing myself to follow the wise advice of Mark Twain: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."